My Dream 我的梦想

Recently, I'm reading a book introduced by my boss. He wants me to find out what I really want. Yeah, I really don't know what I want. I faced so many problems when choosing the right path to go. But I guess I have the answer now...

I haven't done reading much of it, not even a chapter yet. But from the first page until where I stop right now, whenever I'm reading it, the only thing that appears in my mind is DANCING!! Yes, dancing dancing dancing!! That's definitely the answer!

My real dream is not being a dentist, not working in a lab with high salary. It's dancing! It's my life, my passion, my love, my everything... But I never thought of making my interest into my career. WHY? Because I think I can't earn a lot from it, especially in Brunei. And it's not an easy path as well. I'm the youngest in the family and I don't have much time to waste actually. I need to earn a lot of money in order to repay my parents when I'm still able to. If you know what I mean... My parents are not very young anymore... This is the main reason that keep pulling me back from stepping into this path.

I am not someone who is well talented in this and that. Dancing is the only thing that I can be proud of myself and what I have enough confidence in. I always aim for the best and wanted to be the best in dancing. I don't really allow myself to have any mistakes or imperfections in my dancing.I still remember how I felt the first time when my teacher told us she was going to teach us dancing. I was so happy and felt unexpected. I was only 9 years old, primary 4, and that's the time when I realized I am gifted by God this talent/ability.

Yeah of course, I am not that good yet but I have always having the urge to improve my skills to the professional level. Wen posted a question on her blog last time: "What can you spend hours doing, losing track of time and place, and still want to do it again and again?" I applied this question to both my Dentistry and Food Science courses but I'm not so sure about the answer. I kept asking myself this question. However, when it comes to dancing, it's definitely a YES! No doubt.

This book asks me dare to dream big and high with a positive mindset. Nothing is impossible. Everything can be possible when your will power is strong enough. I had talked to my boss about it and he told me that it's not entirely hopeless for this path. Never try, never know. Sometimes you have to take risk just for what you want. You'll never get what you want if you never try to ask for it and go for it. What if I am really able to become one of the well known and successful dance instructor or choreographer in the future? Brunei cannot, go to Singapore or Taiwan where there are higher chances for me. Don't be stuck in only one place.

Somehow, I still hesitate a lot as I'm still a negative one. There's so many things to be worried. So I discussed about it with my mum today. Her support is crucial for my every decision. I asked my mum what if I give up my studies and go for dancing? Will she support me? Doesn't she feel I'm wasted as I have studied so much already? Unexpectedly, my mum supports me. She asked me not to think that I'm wasted and so on because if this is really what I truly want, that's not a problem anymore. If I go and pick a science course right now but in the end not going for it as my career, I will be really wasted that time. Also, dancing costs so much lower than any of the Science courses. Mum said it's my dream, my life, so just go for what I really want. Mum knows me well. She knows what is right for me sometimes and that's why she doesn't fully support me to keep on studying anymore because she knows I get stress easily in my studies.

There are still some questions running in my mind though. Will the others look down on me for picking this choice? Will they think I'm useless? Will my dad be disappointed in me? Is this really the right thing to do? I seriously hope I could really go for what I want. I feel sorry for myself if I don't. My friends, I need more supports and opinions. Please tell me what do you think about it.

I know it will be a tough and long journey for me to be successful in this field. But I believe, no matter how hard it is, I can do it. I won't give up so easily. Just because dancing is my dream...
God bless.

Love Hui ♥