♥ Monday, August 5, 2013
Thank You Jesus!
I wanna thank Jesus for giving me the courage to reach out to people when I am in need of help.
I thank those who listened to me and still helping me out even though after so long time, I am still weak.Thank you for never giving up on me. You know who you are. Seriously thank you!
This is not a fake smile. This is the real smile God gives to me and I hope I can smile like this for the following days everyday. I will do my best always and I know one day, I will be healed totally. It is not going to be easy and there will be ups and downs but I know as long as I don't give up myself, I will be fine! Thank You Jesus. Amen!
Love Hui ♥
♥ Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Am I Ready?
One more week here in Brunei.
I don't know whether I am ready for a new semester.
But no matter what, I still have to face it.
Everything will be fine in the end, right?
I started to feel anxious for no reason.
I seriously hate this insecure feeling.
I don't really know the exact reason for it.
But this feeling makes me can't even sleep well.
I have lost my self-confidence bit by bit everyday once again I don't know why...
Love Hui ♥
♥ Saturday, June 29, 2013
Just Bored?
I have nothing to do now so might as well update something here I guess. Recently my sleeping time started to get messed up. Right now I sleep in the whole morning and afternoon and awake at night. During midnight, I spend it on the bed dreaming. So basically, I am on my bed three quarters of the day. I am starting to get fat a little once again but it's alright. I am going back to KL soon and I will get fit back after that.
Time flies. Half year is gone. I don't know whether I'm ready for the new semester or not? When thinking of the stress, I am still very phobia though. I don't know what feeling I am having regarding going back soon. Whatever. Life still goes on. No use in thinking of it right now. Right?
Our bond is getting so close this time. Our conversation is always surrounding our Father in Heaven. Life is getting a little more simple and good for us even though hard times still come but that's how life should be. I am going to stay firm this time and I strongly believe everything will be better soon. We thank God for bringing us together.
I better end the post here before it gets a little too emotional. :)
Love Hui ♥
♥ Friday, June 21, 2013
Full-stop To My First Year
So yeah, it's finally the official ending to my semester 2. I just got my results today. It was totally unbelievable! Like last time, I wrote a letter and asked my friend to help me to collect my results slip. I thought she was going to type everything out for me but instead, she just took a picture of it and send to me.
That's my results for semester 2. I tell you what. My heart was beating loud that time. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes when the photo was loading to be opened. When I looked at it, I slowly smiled and started laughing. I was seriously so happy for it! I never thought the improvement is this great. I feel so thankful! My hard works have paid off. I was happy and my eyes went teary after a while. Tears of joy man!!
The first person I told this good news to is my brother. I rushed to his room and told him excitedly but he didn't give me much response. After I went back to my room, he yelled and asked what did I say just now. Shit him! A typical gamer he is! Anyway, then I went to tell my sister through wechat. We chatted using audio. So she heard me non-stop laughing. She said I am crazy. She said she needs to bring me to the mental hospital when studying but after I got my results, she needs to bring me to mental hospital as well. hahaha
I told my parents the last. I was very happy when I first told my mum about it until she said "it's okay that you laughed, I am okay with it even if you laughed until crazy. What I am worried and scared is you cry..." I know I get this results with a lot of tears and downpours. My dad kept telling me not to think so much, it's okay even if I failed. My parents really love me a lot and I know they are seriously worrying about me...
I actually planned to fly back next time during my study break but my mum doesn't encourage me to do so because she said if I did so, I will be wasting two of my days already. So yeah. I guess I need to come up with some better ways of studying? I don't know. But I know God is really around me during the hard times. He is the one who gave me my everything. I thank Jesus for guiding me and be with me all the time when I need Him the most. Of course, I need to thank a lot of people for the encouragements too! They played an important part in my success too! Thank you guys!
Love Hui ♥
♥ Tuesday, June 18, 2013
My Sweetheart
So on 14th June, it was the birthday of my sweetheart. She was the first person I knew in KL and has became my bestie over there. She was the one who knows me the most over there. She is someone really really great.
This was the first photo of her taken by me. It was the first day of Uni. 25/06/2012. Time flies. I have known her for about a year now.
So I guess this is the first photo of us. This was during her health & literature play. I went to support her. I remember those time, she had a lot to handle. But she was very strong. She is always a tough person. Nothing beats her down.
This was our first time shopping together. This was the day we started to get close to each other. I remember she asked whether I was okay or not and I was totally shocked by that question because not many people can see through my inner self, knowing that I was not okay when I was faking smiles on my face. We started to story that night after getting home and that's when our close friendship started.
This photo is just so her. She is very man I tell you. She is very straight forward and she is always a caring person. She is very strong and know how to protect herself. I learned a lot from her. Even when I did mistakes, she didn't blame on me but still taking care of me carefully. She never gives up on me when I was going to give up myself. She supported me when I was down to hell. She scolded me, slapped me, hugged me, kissed me...
She is very sampat! hahaha But our time spending together is getting so much lesser and lesser due to our timetable. It was totally different and she has to go to other places for her postings so basically, we only spent about two months time together only for semester 2. But in this two months, she was hell so busy and we didn't really get the time to talk much together. I was busy with my Uni work too. But whenever we talk, we still share a lot.
After she started her posting, she only came back once in a while. She storied to me a lot about her experiences in hospitals. Seriously, after hearing it, you can't believe what she was doing all these while. She is already a 100% nurse even before graduate. She takes care of every patient so well. But she is so pity because there are patients that are hard to handle and she was being scolded by them "bodoh". She is really very very great. She is and will be a super nice nurse next time.
I actually didn't spend much time with her on her birthday because many people were booking for her. So I just waited her at home but too bad, I was tired and went to sleep. I left her the presents on her room and wrote some notes to her. It was kinda rush doing her present too so it was not really a good one.
So this is the DIY present for her by me. Promise that I am going to do something better for her next time.
She will kill me for sure if she see this. haha The latest photo of her. She is just too tired. I miss her already. When I go back next time, she will be preparing for her semester 2 exam. I bet I will be hearing her singings non stop that time. xD
Love Hui ♥
♥ Monday, June 17, 2013
Back Home!
Hi people! I am back to my lovely home now! Nothing much to post so far. Still waiting for my results to be out next week. God bless me. Just hope time could go slower because I don't wanna go back to that stressful life yet.
My nephew has grown up a lot after about 4 months. He is very active in moving now and I don't really have the energy to carry him for long. haha I am old already I know.
My sister is getting fatter as usual and I still non-stop nagging her to diet. She can't stand me anymore. haha I hope I don't get this fat next time after having baby because dietitian cannot be a fat one! Or else my future husband need to feed me already. xD
My parents are still the same but this time I came back, I kept hearing something that somehow made me feel sad. Don't worry, not going to say it out here. By the way, my daddy said I slimmed down a little and I was so happy after hearing it. I went to tell my mum and she said "very slim meh? I see same la." My mum never wanted to admit it. =_=
Haven't got to see my nieces but I bet all of them sure have grown up a lot as well. This holiday all I wanna do is SLEEP!!! Seriously, I better sleep enough before I get back to that stupid Uni life again. Sleep deprivation for so many months. I feel so damn old already. Gonna adjust back my health.
That's all for now. Till next time.
Love Hui ♥
♥ Thursday, May 16, 2013
Unknown
WARNING: Disgusting pictures ahead. Please leave if you can't take it.
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So yeah, my skin problem just a few days ago. Don't ask me what's wrong because I don't know! If it was really because of my tiredness and stress, imagine how high is the level. Just hope I could go home fast and have a visit to the specialist. God bless.
Love Hui ♥
♥ Friday, May 10, 2013
What Am I Actually Fighting For?
Hey guys, I know it has been a super long time since I was here. My life was and is being extremely busy still. But today, there's something I wanna relieve out here.
"If one day, you know you are going to be dead in 24 hours, you will realize that life is more important than studies."
Brother said this to me this morning before I had my test. I am feeling so dead tired every single day recently and my skin problem can't stop attacking me. It is obviously getting more and more worse. I think it's because of my tiredness and stress level. I don't know. But somehow, it is telling me something is going on inside my body.
When I saw what my brother typed, my eyes went teary. I know health is so much more important than anything else. I know I really need a good rest. But still, I know I am still fighting and pushing myself so hard and don't wanna give up just yet. Honestly, I am being this hard on myself just for my own bright future? Or because I don't accept my results to drop down? Or is it just because of the 30% tuition fees discounts? Most probably the answer goes to the last option...
I wanna get the merit award so desperately because I think this is the only thing I can do to lessen my mother's burden. In addition, I know I have the potential to get it as long as I put all my efforts into it. So I keep pushing myself so hard. Brother asked am I happy? Yeah, once I got the good results I will be happy but only TEMPORARILY. Once the new semester starts, everything will be like a cycle again. It's not that my family wanted me to get the award. They just want me to be well. They don't mind even if I don't get it at all. But why am I still being so stubborn?
What am I really fighting for? I don't know. I feel so lost. If I was going to be dead in 24 hours, I guess all I wanna do is just to have a good sleep in this 24 hours. I don't remember when was the last time I had a good rest. Even when I have the time to sleep, I had nightmares that kept stressing me out and in the end, I couldn't sleep well. Like today, only an hour after falling asleep, stressful nightmare woke me up covered in sweat.
I am torturing my body. I am killing myself slowly day by day... I don't know. I feel so sorry for it. I know I should stop holding things too tightly. I should try loosen my hands and set myself free... But how? I just can't get over myself. When will I really learn to love myself more?
一直那么的努力为的不是自己，
而是他人的骄傲与笑容。
那么自己的呢？
我的快乐去了哪里呢？
这是对的吗？人生是我的。
为什么要硬硬把别人的快乐扛在自己的肩膀上，
而严重无视于自己的快乐？
一切的一切，到底是为了什么？
Love Hui ♥
♥ Wednesday, April 3, 2013
《休息》
离开家已经一段时间了。
时间过得真的很快。
转眼间，又到了忙碌的生活，
我非常不向往的生活。
朋友说了一句非常中肯的话。
“我们读营养的，却是最不健康的那一族。”
托了那些看似永无止境的课业与测验的福。
密密麻麻的时间表，体力透支。
时间一直在走，人就一直在改变。
累的时候，真的很想回家。
在这里，没有爸妈看电视的声音，
也没有哥哥一天到晚打电脑游戏的吵声。
别人看见你脸上的笑容，觉得你是快乐的。
但事实呢？你快乐吗？
你对自己诚实了吗？
在逃避？还是不想面对？
答案，只有你知道。。。
Love Hui ♥
♥ Thursday, March 21, 2013
我的全世界
在这重要的日子里(20/03/2013)，没能在你的身边，
没能和你一起开心的度过，对不起。
妈妈，我最爱的您，生日快乐。
您耐心的，无微不至的抚养我长大。
如果不是我要求学，您现在都可以享福了。
对不起，为了我，您辛苦了。
我这个女儿，一直都是您最疼爱的心肝宝贝。
我知道我很不好养，老是让您担心了。
因为我的健康，您也快被我搞到破产了。
对不起，您的宝贝没有把自己给照顾好。
妈妈，为了我们，为了这个家，您真的很伟大。
我知道您对我们都不抱有很大的期望了。
但是相信我，我一定会不一样。
我会很疼爱您，孝顺您，给您很多很多的爱。
岁月真的不饶人。您最小的女儿现在也开始慢慢长大成人了。
您头上的黑发似乎通通都消失了。
您老是说：“都不知道你们改次赚到钱了还会不会要我，还会不会记得妈妈？”
我会的，一定会！！
妈妈，您是晓慧不可以失去的人。
没有您，我无法想象自己会变成如何。
我知道自己陪伴你的时间也没有很多，
但是我是很爱你的。真的！
妈妈，晓慧想您了。
好想回家。。。
在这里，我会加油，会努力。
会像您一样那么坚强的。
妈妈，生日快乐。我爱您，永远永远。。。
20.3.2013,爱你，深，爱你一生。
Love Hui ♥
♥ Thursday, February 28, 2013
No Longer A Little Girl
So I am now officially 21 years old. Can you believe it? Time flies so fast. My parents' youngest child at home is now no longer a little girl anymore. Although my family were not with me this birthday, but I had a really really great one.
Actually I thought there would not be anything special for this birthday. Just a very simple and quiet one. But I was totally wrong... Let me story to you what happened for this special day.
I actually had a movie date with some of my friends in the afternoon but it was cancelled in the end. So one of them, Gene, said she will be coming to my place to accompany me since we didn't have any classes. Birthday wish is always the most important thing to me on my birthday. I went out early in the morning to the Carrefour hypermarket to get myself a small piece of cake. But sadly, I couldn't find any normal birthday candles at all. I had to rush home for the gas delivery in the afternoon as well so I had no choice but to go home disappointedly. I was really kinda down that time and kept asking God why...
Around 1PM, Gene called me and said the security guard won't let her in so she asked me to go down to bring her in. I felt funny at the very first place but didn't think much because there was news about stricter securities in the future so I thought it started already. But when I was in the lift, I started to feel something strange. I started to doubt whether it's true or not or is there any plan going on?? When I was about to reach the swimming pool, I saw two Uni friends who I am not very close with. I wasn't thinking much still until I accidentally saw another friend who is with the same group as Gene. They live at Vista C while I am at Vista B. They were having classes that day so it's impossible to see them here around that time. So I sensed something was going on...
When I was at the swimming pool already, OMG!! A whole big group of friends started to sing me a birthday song while me, with the ugly and super casual look walked slowly toward them. I didn't expect such a big group man! They were all having class at 1.30PM. Imagine how rush it was for them! I don't know how to describe my feeling for it. I feel very special? They were my classmates during short semester and we were close during that period only. Some of them are only a hi-bye friend now. But then... yeah.
This is the organizer of everything together with Gene!! Really speechless but thank him a lot for calling so many people to throw me a surprise too!
After everyone left, Gene followed me home and around 2PM, she brought me out for late lunch. We went to have steamboat! Cool or not?
The food is nice but I felt damn fat after eating so full. By the time we finished, it was around 4PM already. We then went to The Store to bought some stuffs. Gene said she wanna buy me bra as present. I said no. Then she said sleepwear. But didn't find any that I want. After that we went to Carrefour again. I went to buy my key necklace as mummy said I can have one. Then Gene said 21 years old must have something unusual, so we bought alcohols back home to drink.
Mummy said why didn't you go for a gold necklace. I didn't know I was allowed to choose an expensive one. But she said I have already bought it so yeah. I should have asked clearly. LOL
Look at her red face!! Weak ass! HAHAHA She will kill me for this "nice" photo. Anyway, We got home at around 6PM and was then non-stop playing with camera apps. I think around 7.30PM like that, a guy appeared in front of my door and asked whether I am Senny Hui. He was holding a big birthday cake box! He said this cake is delivered to me by my friends. I have totally no idea who gave me that at all. I just went to open my door...
Suddenly three of my friends jumped out and sang birthday song to me! Oh goshhh... Damn surprised man! Gene knew everything!!! No wonder she still didn't wanna go back home yet. I was so speechless once again but feeling extremely thankful!
Homemade cheesecake by my friend! Touched or not? First time someone self-made a birthday cake for me! Oh my... Sweet die!
So altogether I have total 3 surprises this year for my birthday. One in Brunei and two in KL. This is my first time having surprise attacks! The most important is I never thought my KL friends will prepare so much for me as most of them are still not that close to me. We just knew each other for about half year... I am really so thankful for this blessed birthday! They made it so special for me! I am so grateful for everything they did! I have no idea how to thank them in words anymore but I really really thank them a lot for everything! I love all of them so much!! Thank you Jesus for everything! :')
Love Hui ♥
♥ Saturday, February 23, 2013
Feelings
I have been back to KL for a few days now and I guess I am still missing the times back in Brunei quite a lot. I thought of many things today. I feel blessed and loved. People said you are lucky enough to have one close friend but I guess I have many more than one. I am really really very lucky to have them in my life to support me during my hard times.
During this holiday in Brunei, I realized how many people actually care and know about me so well. Maybe even more than myself? I am sick and I know how many people are worrying. They are actually the best medicine for me. I laughed a lot, true happiness.
I guess no one ever thought that I will really have the chance to go overseas to further my studies. Not even myself. Sometimes I am wondering how does it feel like having a family member out of the country for studies. But one thing that I am definitely sure, my leaving to another piece of land to study has actually strengthened my family bonding. The way we talk and the way we interact is not the same as before. We are brought even more closer.
I feel myself actually important. I feel how important I am to some of them. I am not an extra, I am not alone. Whenever I am not okay, there will be so many people willing to be there for me. I did mistakes, I am very very imperfect. But there will still be someone who is willing to accept my everything.
I guess you all know who you are, I don't wanna mention it. Just thank you very much for staying in my life, being part of my life and happiness, and for loving me unconditionally. I love you all very very much as well. I will fight hard for my life no matter how hard will it be I promise.
Love Hui ♥
♥ Wednesday, February 6, 2013
我是谁我是谁我是谁
我是誰 你是否常常這樣問自己
我是誰 總是活在別人的期望裡
我是誰 是誰又擅自幫你定義了
你是誰 只有不是自己才安全
為什麼 你以為這個世界很美麗
為什麼 你愛這個世界勝過愛自己
為什麼 這個世界不給你平等待遇
為什麼 到底做錯了什麼
朋友都說你太 太 太奇怪
在背後把你當成笑 笑 笑話看
每一個動作都被瞎猜
他們說你是個不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很簡單
不過就是最普通的 的 的平凡
誠實做自己有時候很難
但是請你勇敢的試一次看看
無論他們又說什麼 閒言閒語無法傷害我
世界上只有一個我 沒人能代替的我
無論他們又做什麼 小動作無法打敗我
我知道自己是最美麗的
The most beautiful
會不會 上帝把你的靈魂放錯了身體
會不會 是故意整你不是不小心
會不會 你常常都覺得力不從心
會不會 堅持要做自己太危險
憑什麼 難道比較特別就是不對
憑什麼 先下了註解在認識之前
憑什麼 只不過想認真的活一遍
憑什麼 隨便就把人定罪
我是誰 這個問題困擾你多少天多少夜
我是誰 誰有資格決定你怎樣才是對
我是誰 我是誰我是誰
我就是我你就是你
認真做自己的人最美麗
The song lyrics is just too awesome to be shared. :)))
Love Hui ♥
♥ Tuesday, February 5, 2013
寂寞寂寞就好
還是原來那個我 不過流掉幾公升淚所以變瘦
對著鏡子我承諾 遲早我會還這張臉一堆笑容
不算什麼 愛錯就愛錯
早點認錯 早一點解脫
我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉
死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉
還是原來那個你 是我自己做夢你有改變什麼
再多的愛也沒用 每個人有每個人的業障因果
會有什麼 什麼都沒有
早點看破 才看得見以後
我寂寞寂寞就好 這時候誰都別來安慰擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了 想到快瘋掉
死不了就還好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 我總會把你戒掉
Love Hui ♥
♥ Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Forgiven
I have just realized something recently. In order to free myself, I have to forgive myself from everything. I found out that I have forgiven the others, even those who hurt me badly but I never ever forgive myself. And to be honest, I find it hard to do so.
Obviously, there's still a long way for me to go and learn...
Love Hui ♥
♥ Sunday, January 27, 2013
Why?
My friend said I asked too many "why" most of the time towards what has happened on me. Well, I admit it. Maybe because I really believe that everything happens for a reason and I am just too eager to find out the reason for it? How are you going to just let go and move on without knowing the reason right? Is it possible? Obviously, it's kind of impossible for me.
Love Hui ♥
♥ Tuesday, January 22, 2013
My Dislikes
This time after I got back, I heard a lot of new rules by the government. Every Friday from 12 to 2PM, every corner will be dead silent. No shops are allowed to open at all, not even restaurants.... You need to register for your doggies and pay for them every year. Those doggies without owner, are you going to catch them and kill all of them? Wearings to government sectors are getting super strict as well. Furthermore, they said there's a need to expand the music industry here last time but now they forbid more and more of the entertainment field. All karaoke restaurants have to be closed down...
I don't know. All of these news somehow make me disappointed? I can't imagine anymore about the future life here. Will they still be people living here? What more rules will be coming out the next time when I am back again?
Anyway, just my points of view. Nothing much. I miss my healthy life back in KL. I can't find any fresh hams here, no fresh lettuce, no nice wholegrain bread, not many varieties and fresh fruits for me to choose from...
Yesterday when I went to the clinic, I saw an old lady who is quite fat and have difficulty in walking... Then I thought of my profession next time. Am I able to help them? How great will my power be when I can't even persuade my family to get healthier now? Suddenly, there's so many thoughts running in my mind...
Love Hui ♥
♥
A Short Catch Up
So I had a family day out with my parents on last Sunday to Bandar. It had really been a while. We went up quite late but I think I still enjoyed it a lot.
I storied a lot to my mum about my Uni and friends in KL, especially my bestie there. First time she was awake the whole journey to Bandar.
Aren't he too cute? He is quite funny. I went out with this little cutie too but at first he was just kept on sleeping and after woke up, all he wants is milk... Baby~ what more he can do right?
This was taken on the day I just got back from KL. He is so tiny and cute! Too bad I can only spend time with him once in a while.
One more funny things to share. I don't know it is my problem or what. When I went out with my mum and maria, both of them kept having problem driving. Is it because they concentrate too much on listening to me? I just can't stop laughing at them.
That's all so far. Update again soon. :)
Love Hui ♥
♥ Saturday, January 19, 2013
Results Released
I just got my semester one results last night. It was really heart torturing especially when you saw more and more people posting about it at Facebook while you were still waiting for yours.
Since I was not able to collect the results slip myself, I asked my friend to help me for it and my housemate is the one who can actually open it and read my results for me.
Human Physiology (B)
Statistics (A)
Professionalism in N&D (B+)
Organic Chemistry (A)
General Chemistry (A-)
Principles of Human Nutrition (B+)
English (pass)
For me, my results is totally unexpected. I am very very happy. But nothing more happier than knowing my cGPA. I got 3.52 out of 4. For my Uni, as long as you got 3.5 and higher, you are eligible to get the Merit Award, which is 30% discounts for your tuition fee.This is what I was aiming for since the beginning and I never thought I could still get it after having all the exams as I think I didn't really do very well. I know I can do more better so I will work harder for my next semester and try to get first class honour. This time I got second upper class honour. I am satisfied. Of course, I will just do my best and not to push myself too hard.
I told my family about my results. My brother is proud of me. My parents are very happy. I am very happy too. Thank God. Really thank God! I am blessed!
Love Hui ♥
